I’m pretty sure we will all look back at 2017 like “damn that was one hell of a year,” or maybe if we are lucky “that is the moment it all started to shift” or even maybe if we are really lucky, “the challenges of that year planted the seeds that help me become the stronger person I now am…”
Right?!? That is all we can hope for. I am not going to sugar coat that this year has been easy for me or that all the hard times are worth it, etc. etc. But I am going to be honest with you and myself about the ups and downs of this past year, and the deep soulful transformation that I am having because of it all. Because when things get hard, personally, physically, politically, emotionally… We have to get strong enough to handle it. And then we can either victimize ourselves, or we can rise up and shift our story. You see this happening everywhere in the social-political landscape, from the unbelievable Women’s March to the #metoo movement, to there being a rise in people to run for office all around the country. Because at the end of the day, we do not want to be victims, we don’t want to be silenced, and we will not sit back and no nothing when our beliefs are threatened.
The same goes for us personally. This year was really hard for me health-wise and personally, between being hospitalized and on bed rest for a month, to being rear-ended in a car accident and barely able to walk for three months. And it’s been joyous too. I’ve been moved to tears of joy this year as I opened my dream of an art gallery and community event space, and I traveled beautiful places with my husband I love dearly. Still, I could sit here right now as I write to you and say “Fuck you 2017,” because it is an easy place of connection and something we all feel in one way or another. But instead I am going to try to take the advice of my yoga teacher this morning, and give thanks for the hardships. Give thanks for the strength that will come from those hardships, and trust myself enough to know I will always try my best to not victimize myself and to shift my story into one of perservence, strength and growth.
So with that all said, I give you my 5 hardest and 5 most joyous moments of 2017.
In no particiular order.
5 Hardest Moments of 2017
1. Getting hospitalized and staying in the hospital with a severe kidney infection. Spending 3 days the sickest and most pain I have ever been in was definitely scary. It was scary because I was so weak and felt very far from myself for several weeks after I got home. But I am so thankful for my mom and brother who flew in to help my husband take care of me. I am also so thankful for all my friends who stepped up and were there for me. drove me to doctor appointments, cooked me food, and came and held my hand. I have never felt more supported by family and friends.
2. Giving up my medication for my ADHD. Something happened after the hospital where I realized that my adderall prescription was really affecting my nervous system and my ability to sleep. So I decided to after several years of medication, step myself off of my medication. Which just so happened to be a month before I opened my gallery, so I felt like I really needed it, but my body had other plans. So I listened, and I shifted my story. Six months later, and and six months into a daily meditation practice, I feel so much more at ease, and my insomnia is so much better.
3. Getting rear-ended in a car accident. This is an obvious one. I think the hardness in it came from the initial shock and then realizing it would take at least 6 months for me to get back to where I was before, and that in some ways I will always have to deal with aspects of the whiplash. Now 5 months later, I am getting back into my body (slowly) and building strength from a deep place within my soul (and my core.) And I am so grateful for my body and am trying my best to shed my perfectionism tendencies and love and accept my body for exactly where it is.
4. Deciding to and also selling my dream home. It really has been a lesson in attachment and how to not only let go, but also trust that things will work out in some sort of wonderful way you can’t quite imagine yet.
5. Not having an art studio. At the first of the year I moved out of my art studio, in order to be able to open my art gallery ATC DEN. It ended up working out in a weird way since I have been too injured to really paint for almost half of the year, but it has nonetheless been hard, because when everything in life is changing and shifting, my art studio is my sanctuary, and when my art studio isn’t, my yoga mat definitely is. So it has been hard not having that creative outlet. I really, really look forward to finding my way back into my art studio practice in 2017.
5 Most Joyous Moments of 2017
1. Opening ATC DEN! I was so freaking excited to open my art gallery/community event space this past summer, that I found myself driving around bursting into tears of happiness for all the years and years of hardwork that had brought me to this moment.
2. Turks & Caicos vacation with my husband. After a month of bedrest post-hospital, going and laying on the beach for a week was just what the doctor ordered. (well not literally, but it really was just what I needed.) My husband Eric got went scuba diving during the day, and I would lay on the beach and float in the water.
3. Phish Baker’s Dozen at Madison Square Garden. It was definitely a major highlight of my year, but also of my love for this band for over 20 years to be part of such a special experience. And to get to eat, drink and yoga my way around New York City was so wonderful.
4. Deciding to and also selling my dream home. This one definitely makes both lists because it was the rollercoaster of all the emotions. It was so hard to make the decision to do it and the act of moving, especially while injured, but the joy. Oh the joy of having made the best real estate investment in our lives, and being able to liquidate to make room for more opportunities in our future.
5. All things Clover. Because puppies make everything better. And joyous. Every single day.
What’s been your most hardest and your most joyous moments of 2017?!? I would love to hear from you!